The Show Statement:
This exhibition explores the concept of growing up and one's loss of innocence, which occurs through the evolution into adulthood. Through this personal exploration in painting and the supplemental writing piece below, I have learned that while I am no longer a child, that version of myself can still live on in various capacities of expression.
mom, am i still young?
Does my hair still have some blonde from playing in the sun? When you look in my brown eyes, do you still see your mom? Am I still your little girl?
And do you miss her, mom, the way that I do? It was once her and me against the world, and we had nothing except each other. I used to think I would kill myself just to feel her one more time. But my life has changed, and she has left. I can never seem to find her in me anymore. I feel so alone out here without her. So alone that I have dug, and I have run, just trying to hear her voice or see her smile. I searched under stones like she used to. I have traveled across oceans and to places more familiar, like our home. But that girl always wanted someone to play with, so our game of tag has gone on far too long.
I have begun to find peace in painting, where entranced by a world of color, she finally stops running. Then and only then can I finally catch up to her. She is so beautiful, so pure, and so clean, for she is drunk off dreams and potential as she has yet to be sobered by the harshness of the world.
And mom, I fucking miss her all the time. I worry you look at me and wish you saw her. And I lie awake at night, filled with guilt, as it pains me to know that I am the reason she will not come home. And I am sorry for how I took her, hurt her, and mistreated her. But I want you to know that she is safe now. She is safe from my wrath and judgment, for my paintings seem to make her happy. They protect her by keeping her safe and preserving her innocence.
For in this world of painting, her hair still has some blonde. She is small enough to still fit in your arms. She is forgiving. She grabs my hand and leads me around this world that has become her home. She smiles as we duck through lines and underneath marks. Together we dance, following the map of scribbles she has drawn. But just when I start to feel her come back to me, it is time to go, and I must leave. She has gone, and all that is left is this world we have painted together.
But I believe if you look closely, Mom, you will see her too. So, look closely at my work, and I promise you will see your sweet little girl smiling back at you
everything i do (it’s all for you) - oil, acrylic, pastel on canvas - 2023 - 6’0 ft x 5’3 ft
you came out of the blue like that - oil, acrylic, pastel on canvas - 2023 - 5’8 ft x 5’3 ft
Dark Paradise - 2023 - Acrylic, Oil Paint, Gesso Pastel on Stretched Canvas - 6’1 ft x 6’1 ft
back in the states now - oil, acrylic, pastel on canvas - 2023 - 6’1 ft x 6’1 ft
it’s a beautiful life - oil, acrylic, pastel on canvas - 2023 - 5’9 ft x 5’3 ft
i never was the best to you - oil, acrylic, pastel on canvas - 2023 - 5’11 ft x 5’3 ft
and i know what you’re like when the party ends - 2023 - Acrylic, Oil Paint, Gesso, Pastel on Canvas - 6’2 ft x 5’3 ft